good friends

A Dummies Guide to Making

(and keeping)

Friends.

good friends

1-Be honest but don’t be a jerk about it. Trust is the cornerstone of friendship. A friend will give an honest, albeit occasionally unpopular, answer to a direct question. It’s easy to find people who flatter. Flattery is the path of least resistance but the worst feeling in the world is to be flattered by someone only to catch a glimpse of a smirk or snarky comment as soon as you turn away. A true friend will have a consistent answer for you when you are face to face and, more importantly, when you are not. Answer questions honestly without padding the response with flattery. That does not mean being frank to the point of hurting someone’s feelings. Tack is important.

If, on the other hand, someone turns against you because you refuse to flatter them the friendship was one-sided to begin with and probably wouldn’t have stood the test of time. It’s tempting to tell people what they want to hear so that everyone will like you but do yourself a favor and start out how you intend to carry on. Be honest and hopefully you will receive the favor in return.

2-Be loyal. This doesn’t mean you have to fight your friends’ battles. Every friend has enemies. Every enemy has friends. The important thing is to make it known that you will not gossip or back bite when it comes to the people that you care about. It’s not necessary to make a scene. If a third party is speaking in derogatory terms about a friend simply say, “Let’s talk about something else.” Or “So-and-so is a friend of mine and I’d prefer that we change the subject.”

Deciding which gossip you should repeat and which you should let slide is an important part of loyalty as well. Ask yourself; is this something that I would want to know? If it is then share the information with your friend. If it doesn’t seem that important in the big scheme of things let it slide. This leads to the next rule…

3-Don’t be a fire starter. It isn’t necessary to repeat every negative thing that you hear people say about your friends. Stirring up trouble doesn’t make you a good friend. It makes you a drama queen. If the gossip isn’t hurtful, if it’s simply a catty comment, do every one a favor and shut-up about it. Sometimes what your friend doesn’t know can’t hurt them. Unless the gossip is slandering there is no need to go to war. Granted sometimes the comment IS slander and sometimes the war must be all the way on. A good friend will know the difference and react accordingly.

4-Know when to hold ‘em and know when to fold ‘em. Friendship needs breathing room. It’s easy to get caught up in the similar tastes and similar behaviors of a like-minded individual. When friends click it’s comfortable. It feels like home. Even so it’s important to allow your friends the freedom of sharing activities with other people without their feeling guilty about doing something without you. Don’t cling. It isn’t attractive.

5- Be reliable. If you say you are going to do something, do it. If you make plans to meet somewhere, be there. Being consistently late, canceling plans last minute or not showing up at all is disrespectful.

6- Be willing to forgive but don’t be a sucka. People make mistakes. Life is complicated and occasionally there are circumstances that make someone who has been a solid friend seem less so. Being understanding of others is an important skill in maintaining long term relationships. Life is complicated. People get side tracked. In time, if the friendship is true, they will realize that they have been neglecting you and the phone will ring. When it does accept their apology and let it go. Don’t hold a grudge.

If you have a friend that is in a perpetual state of apology because they are unreliable reset the margins of your friendship. This will spare your feelings if they are chronic neglectors. Realize that some friendships do not last forever. Some friendships fade. It is best to let go with no hard feeling than to hold a grudge.

7- Keep your trap shut! If someone tells you a secret, keep it. If you repeat the secret of a friend and they find out about it you may lose that friend forever. Also, if you tell the secrets you’ve heard from others to your friend they may find you untrustworthy. It is important to have people in your life with whom you can discuss anything. This means that a friend must be absolutely certain that you will keep what is said between them and you. Don’t be a gossip. It’s gross. Even if the friendship ends, for old times sake, keep the secrets sacred.

8- Walk in when everyone else walks out. When the chips are down, when life takes a sad turn, when bad things happen, be there. There’s no need to find the perfect words. There’s no need to make some huge effort. Just be there.

good friends

good friends

good friends

good friends